Topic:

"Some people believe that online education is the best way to learn. Others think that traditional classroom-based learning is more effective. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. "

Essay:

In the digital era, technology has shown an important role, and some people believe that online education is a better way to study. In another way, some others think that normal, classroom-based learning is more effective than online classes. Today, I will illustrate both disadvantages.

On the one hand, before COVID-19 (coronavirus 2019) appeared in our world, students had to learn in onsite classes. Firstly, our learning usually proceeded according to the rules, because traditional, classroom-based learning has a clear time, deadline, and location. However, learning in this way has advantages such as teachers and students having direct interaction; it clearly makes the atmosphere different from online learning. Another strength is that onsite courses have structural characteristics that off-site learning lacks; plus, in normal classes, students will attend class according to the class schedule and can do activities that link with one another. This makes many learners concentrate and have better study behavior.

On the other hand, online classes have played a significant role since COVID-19 arrived. Additionally, online education is very suitable for new-generation students. Therefore, using technology while studying is very convenient, and they can study anytime, anywhere; also, online courses allow students to review the content they learn. Secondly, to access classroom lessons, they can learn through the internet and attend to the media or talk with the teacher through the online platform. Thirdly, the important key is the flexibility of teaching and learning. Online study has more flexibility in terms of both time and place, because they can access the lessons and send assignments or homework from anywhere or anytime, with no need to waste time on transportation; this allows learners to allocate time to other activities.

In conclusion, I agree with online-based education because it is more useful than traditional classroom learning and allows access to a variety of learning resources. We do not just sit in class waiting for the teacher to provide us with data; we can find a lot of information online. Moreover, it also helps us develop digital skills.

6.0
Overall Band Score
5.5 - Coherence and Cohesion
6.0 - Lexical Resource
6.0 - Task Response
7.0 - Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Coherence Cohersion Feedback - 5.5
Using IELTS grading criteria.

- ✔️Proper Paragraphing
- ✔️Paragraph Count
- 🟡 Variety of cohesive devices used
While you have used some cohesive devices like 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand', there is a lack of variety in your transitions. For example, you could use alternatives like 'in contrast' or 'similarly' to enhance the flow between ideas. This would help in connecting your points more effectively.
- 🟡 Referencing and substitution used
There are instances where pronouns could be used more effectively. For example, in Paragraph 2, instead of repeating 'students', you could use 'they' to refer back to students after the first mention. This would reduce redundancy and improve clarity.
- 🟡 Ideas logically sequenced
The ideas in Paragraph 2 could be better sequenced. For instance, you mention 'direct interaction' and then switch to 'structural characteristics' without a clear transition. A better flow could be achieved by discussing interaction first, then moving to structural aspects. This would create a more logical progression of ideas.
- 🟡 All paragraphs have central topic
In Paragraph 2, you introduce multiple topics such as rules, interaction, and structural characteristics without a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. A clearer topic sentence would help focus the paragraph on one central theme.
- 🟡 Essay has clear flow
The transition from Paragraph 2 to Paragraph 3 lacks a clear linking sentence that connects the two ideas. For example, you could add a sentence at the end of Paragraph 2 that hints at the advantages of online learning, which would create a smoother transition into Paragraph 3.
Lexical Resource Feedback - 6.0
Using IELTS grading criteria.

- ✔️Spelling and word formation used correctly
- 🟡 Collocation (which verb match which noun) used correctly
The phrase 'normal, classroom-based learning' is somewhat awkward; 'traditional classroom-based learning' would be more appropriate. Additionally, 'onsite classes' and 'off-site learning' could be better expressed as 'in-person classes' and 'remote learning'.
- 🟡 Complex phrasing used correctly
The phrase 'the important key is the flexibility of teaching and learning' could be more effectively expressed as 'a key advantage is the flexibility of online education'.
- 🟡 Variety of words used to prevent repetition
The term 'learning' is repeated frequently throughout the essay. Alternatives such as 'education', 'study', or 'instruction' could be used to enhance variety.
- 🟡 The vocabulary used is precise and expressive and fit the topic
The term 'normal classes' lacks precision; it would be clearer to use 'traditional classes' or 'in-person classes'. Additionally, 'the atmosphere different from online learning' could be more precisely stated as 'the interactive atmosphere that online learning lacks'.
- 🟡 Formal language used
The phrase 'we do not just sit in class waiting for the teacher to provide us with data' is too informal for an academic essay. A more formal expression could be 'students are not merely passive recipients of information in a traditional classroom setting.'
Grammatical Range Accuracy Feedback - 7.0
Using IELTS grading criteria.

- 🟡 Variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences used
The essay primarily uses simple and compound sentences. For example, 'This makes many learners concentrate and have better study behavior.' could be expanded into a complex sentence to enhance variety: 'This not only makes many learners concentrate but also fosters better study behavior.'
- 🟡 Sentence structures are used appropriately
The essay contains some awkward phrasing, such as 'In another way, some others think that normal, classroom-based learning is more effective than online classes.' This could be rephrased for clarity, e.g., 'Conversely, others argue that traditional classroom-based learning is more effective.'
- 🟡 Used appropriate grammar tenses
The essay inconsistently uses tenses. For instance, 'students had to learn in onsite classes' could be better expressed in the present perfect: 'students have had to learn in onsite classes.' This would maintain a consistent tense throughout the discussion.
- 🟡 Used punctuation accurately
There are some punctuation issues, such as missing commas in compound sentences. For example, 'Additionally, online education is very suitable for new-generation students' could benefit from a comma before 'and' to separate the clauses: 'Additionally, online education is very suitable for new-generation students, and it offers flexibility.'
- 🟡 Major grammatical Errors are avoided
There are minor grammatical errors that affect clarity, such as 'the important key is the flexibility of teaching and learning.' This could be improved to 'a key advantage is the flexibility of teaching and learning.' This change enhances clarity and correctness.
Detailed Feedback and Analysis
Point out major concerns:

Sentence: In the digital era, technology has shown an important role, and some people believe that online education is a better way to study.
Error Type: Task Response
Error: The sentence does not clearly state the two views as required by the task prompt.
Correction: Specify both views explicitly.
Explanation: The task requires discussing both perspectives on online versus traditional education. This sentence only presents one view without adequately introducing the opposing perspective.

Sentence: Today, I will illustrate both disadvantages.
Error Type: Task Response
Error: The term "disadvantages" is misleading as it implies a focus only on negative aspects rather than discussing both views.
Correction: Replace "disadvantages" with "views."
Explanation: The essay should discuss both advantages and disadvantages or simply present both views rather than focusing solely on negatives.

Sentence: However, learning in this way has advantages such as teachers and students having direct interaction; it clearly makes the atmosphere different from online learning.
Error Type: Coherence and Cohesion
Error: The transition between ideas is unclear; "however" suggests a contrast that isn't fully developed in this context.
Correction: Use a more appropriate transition word like "Moreover."
Explanation: To improve coherence, ensure that transitions accurately reflect the relationship between ideas being presented.

Sentence: Another strength is that onsite courses have structural characteristics that off-site learning lacks; plus, in normal classes, students will attend class according to the class schedule and can do activities that link with one another.
Error Type: Lexical Resource
Error: The phrase "link with one another" is vague and could be expressed more precisely.
Correction: Replace "link with one another" with "are interconnected."
Explanation: Using clearer vocabulary enhances clarity and precision in your writing.

Sentence: Additionally, online education is very suitable for new-generation students.
Error Type: Lexical Resource
Error: The term “new-generation” is informal; “younger generations” would be more appropriate in academic writing.
Correction: Change “new-generation” to “younger generations.”
Explanation: Academic essays benefit from formal language; using precise terms improves lexical resource quality.

Sentence: Thirdly, the important key is the flexibility of teaching and learning.
Error Type: Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Error: The phrase “the important key” is awkwardly constructed; it should be simplified for clarity.
Correction: Change to “a key advantage.”
Explanation: Simplifying phrases enhances grammatical accuracy and improves overall readability.

Sentence: Online study has more flexibility in terms of both time and place, because they can access the lessons and send assignments or homework from anywhere or anytime, with no need to waste time on transportation; this allows learners to allocate time to other activities.
Error Type: Coherence and Cohesion
Error: This sentence is overly long and contains multiple ideas which can confuse readers.
Correction: Break into shorter sentences for clarity.
Explanation: Shorter sentences enhance coherence by making individual points clearer without overwhelming readers.